I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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