Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
