i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
