his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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