I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
