I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
