Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
