if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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