Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
