Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
