i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
