i think my tv is drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
