She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
