Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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