your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
