I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
