easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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