Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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