I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
