i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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