He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
