btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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