i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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