so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
