Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
