I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
