3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
