please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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