we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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