If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
