but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
