get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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