we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
