i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
