first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
