So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
