I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
