the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
