Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
