Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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