she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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