those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
