The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
