Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
