Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
