well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
