im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
