forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
zippers are such a cool invention
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
