take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
