What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
