I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
