i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
