Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
