He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
