i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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