I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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