Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
