If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
