note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
