That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
