Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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