he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
