just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
